DEER ARTISTIC COMMUNITY,

Since I do nothing for a living except RAPE PILLAGE AND MAIM (Anuses, that is!), it makes sense that I am just completely dirt poor. This has not been a problem, because I am in fact, LIGHT YAGAMI, THE ORIGINAL BALLS-MONSTER, but recently gasoline prices have skyrocketed, much like how I myself skyrocket after partaking of the sweet slimy juices found in the gas pumps, and I can no longer afford to suckle at the gas industry's cold metal teat.

I decided this simply would not do, and decided to get a summer job!

I had heard tales of summer jobs before, and yet it did not at any time occur to me that a summer job was unlike a hand job, or a blow job, and was not intended for my shredded bloody family jewels. So I marched into a job fair held at my local high school completely naked, and shouted "WHO WANTS TO TREAT THE MUTILATED SNAKE PANTS MONSTER WITH A SUMMER JOB?!!" With my FUN TIMES FACE on! 8D Needless to say, they fled and I picked up a brochure.

Through a neverending train of interviews and a string of feces-covered deaths that the police didn't even want to look into, I eventually got a job at my local Sonic Restaurant chain. It involved roller skates. I told them I had a jet pack and did not NEED roller skates to MOVE QUICKLY LIKE A COBRA, but they insisted on giving them to me anyway.

So, when I was handed an order to take to a customer, I SPRUNG into action! I weaved, whistled, walloped, walrused, flew, fucked, springed, sprang, swam, slow-danced, hiccupped, and HORATIO'D my way over to that customer! It was only when I reached the customer that I realized he had been destroyed by my antics and was nothing but a splatter of blood and some bones on the sidewalk. Giddy with anticipation, I did him anyway.

I was fired, arrested, and executed at dawn the next morning. It was the best time of my life.